Off once more. There’s never been any doubt that I would set off from England again – I could never have bought a house, probably even a car – when so much of my soul moves further through space than London or England. These are places that seem safe and warm to me certainly; I know them and wander their streets in the afternoon; they give me contentment. And Bromsgrove is like climbing into bed on the best of warm nights when you luxuriously stretch under a cool duvet – I am happy and blessed.
But I always see the colours of the world in my heart: the scarlet leathers and mirrored cloths of India, the golden desert, the emerald paddy fields of Bali, the skies of the world… You can’t just leave it out there, can you? And it’s to be lived in, not boxed in a holiday – you can’t ‘get away from it all’ without leaving it all behind.
I had no idea, however, how the decision would come. The job and lifestyle held a fairly potent inertia – work was unlikely to drive me nuts, as of old, and what reason could there be to just throw everything away?
In the end there is no actual decision time. I meet Deanna, who arrives in my life in a Hong Kong night of high romance, and offers me, suddenly, a partner with whom to share everything. Fear moves you towards staying aloof – but truth pulls you back. I chose to love her, and the love she returned is so strong I can foresee no way we can be anything but together: I choose her, and I think she has chosen me with all her usual elite determination. With this partnership there has been no further decision to make, just things to organise. Her run across Australia ensures my trip to Sydney; the ‘stop’ period afterwards will gauge our ability to do nothing (pretty sure I’ll be just fine at that, but together we must discover our lifestyle); then we must look to the world to provide its paths, tracks and trains – we will climb aboard whatever slow-train or express brings us happiness and peace together.
So suddenly I am at peace with departure – a few days completely off work with illness, reading books and catching thought-provoking TV travel/philosophy (one of those times when everything teaches you because the truth is pouring out of everything you see). Still many pieces to get in place, particularly the multiples proofs of existence for the application for Australian migration – what a gift it is to find I qualify to live and work there, giving suddenly a whole new breadth to life’s possibilities. Australia – I always loved Sydney; the time with Jackie and Greg showed me how clear and sparkling a routine life can be: it’s a country that relaxes so openly and healthily.
To walk again in distant mountains, to rest in the sun with nowhere to go, no document to be worked on – my mind is clearing by the hour. My self returns to myself, and I feel strong, happy, and ready.